


just a winter's day with the sleepy bois (dick pls die)

by angstgremlin



Series: Discord Crack Fics :) [1]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Christmas Movies, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Dick Jokes, Lots of dick jokes, Please read, chaotic discord group chats turn into chaotic sbi fics, its worth it i promise, philza walks in and immediatly walks out, technoblade is barely there, tommy is dying, tubbo is a chaotic gremlin, wilbur is in pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-17 15:08:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28601955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstgremlin/pseuds/angstgremlin
Summary: Wilbur heard Tommy and Tubbo argue over what movie to watch as he made the rich drinks. Smiling to himself as he got ready for the delightful, calm evening he was about to have.He had no idea what was coming for him.
Relationships: Toby Smith | Tubbo & Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Series: Discord Crack Fics :) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2098737
Comments: 30
Kudos: 151





	just a winter's day with the sleepy bois (dick pls die)

**Author's Note:**

> Sooooo this is what happens when you have a group chat for the five most chaotic people on the planet. I don't know what this is. But yeah since the five of us are the living embodiments of SBI I decided to take our late-night convo and turn it into a fic. Shoutout to [Rei](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arterra) [Zak](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SadSackZak000/profile) [Mel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelinaLikesWinter) and [Cam](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashkatarts) for instigating this chaos (the links are to their ao3s)
> 
> Anyways, i hope you enjoy! This is chaos

It was a dark and stormy night in the sleepy bois inc household. Wilbur was home with Tommy and Tubbo while Techno and Phil were out. Probably killing people or farming potatoes. Who knows which one of those it is. 

Through the windows, Wilbur could see the harsh snow concealing the woods. They were stuck inside, the three of them not willing to go out in this weather. He glanced at the Christmas decorations decorating the mantle. It gave him an idea.

“Hey Tommy, we’re going to watch a Christmas movie, get down here,” Wilbur called up the stairs. Tommy and Tubbo quickly poked their heads out of Tommy’s room.

“Which one?” He called back, excitement showing in his bounces.

“Your choice, I’m going to make hot chocolate,” he responded, quickly heading to make hot cocoa.

He heard Tommy and Tubbo argue over what movie to watch as he made the rich drinks. Smiling to himself as he got ready for the delightful, calm evening he was about to have.

“Wilbur! We chose a movie!” Tubbo called. Wilbur smiled and quickly headed into the living room to settle down. Tubbo and Tommy had both taken station at opposite ends of the couch so Wilbur sat in between. 

It turns out Tommy chose a terrible knockoff version of Rudolph.  _ Rodolph and Richard save Christmas.  _ Tommy’s mischievous grin showing he absolutely chose a terrible movie on purpose. Well, Wilbur was in for a long night.

About twenty minutes into the movie, obviously meant for kids, the character Rodolph and Richard were at the edge of a cliff, and of course, the cliff broke.

Rudolph gasped. “Dick!” he cried, trying to save his friend.

Tommy and Tubbo immediately started cackling while Wilbur just shook his head.

“Imagine your name being  _ Dick _ , that must be terrible.” Tommy giggled.

“It’s even worse because he’s a penguin,” Wilbur added. Tommy laughed harder. Wilbur shook his head and glanced at Tubbo to the right of him. He didn’t know then that the mischievous grin would be the only warning he would get before disaster.   
  
“Imagine having to talk to that penguin. Like, ‘Dick your my only friend’.” Tubbo said. Tommy choked on his hot chocolate.

“Tubbo! No!” Wilbur chastised, lightly hitting Tubbo playfully. Tubbo only grinned wider.   
  


“Don’t make fun of dick guys!” He continued, giggling.

“Tubbo you're killing me here!” Tommy cried, trying not to laugh.

“Dick! Why are you so floppy?” 

“Tubbo!” 

Wilbur sat, in between the two gremlins. Staring. Why was he here?

“Dick! You're so small! Dick you're so fast!” Tubbo kept adding phrases. Tommy wasn’t laughing anymore. Only groaning in pain whenever Tubbo made another joke.

“Nooo! Tubbo please!” 

“Dick, your such a pain in the ass sometimes.” Tubbo cackled. Tommy shrieked.   
  


Wilbur brought out his phone, partially hiding it under the blankets he was trapped under.

_ Phil _ he texted his father.

_ Phil please come home _

“Dick you should try harder sometimes!” 

“Tubbo. No. Please.” Wilbur groaned, annoyed. Pained. Tubbo always seemed like the most innocent of them all. Only now were they realizing that was not true. 

“Dick you're so short!”

“Tubbo please die.” Tommy glared. This was getting too much, even for him.

_ Phil please come home I can’t _   
  
“Wow, Dick! You sure love cats!” 

“Tubbo I will punt you.”

“Dick you sure love taking selfies!”

_ PHIL PLEASE _   
  
“You sure come fast when there’s cats around!”

It was at this moment when Phil, not knowing the context of Wilbur’s texts, burst through the door in a hurry. Assuming the worst. The scene he arrived at was worse than what he was thinking.

“What the fuck.” He said. The two teenagers didn’t hear him.

“Tubbo stop. Please. Die. Leave. Burn.” Tommy started chanting. Glaring daggers at the older child. 

“Dick, why do you keep calling me daddy?” Tubbo cackled. Wilbur turned to see Phil in the doorway. His eyes screamed help in his silence.

Phil, instead of helping like Wilbur begged, only slowly backed out the door, back into the snowstorm. Preferring that to have to deal with that shitshow. 

Tubbo, only then noticing Phil, collapsed in laughter. Wilbur put his head in his hands.    
  
“He really did that. He just came and said peace out and left. He left me.” 

“I mean,” Tubbo laughed, “If you were him would you stay?” Wilbur just sighed.

Finally, Phil entered back into the house, the cold making him believe going in for the warmth was worth dealing with whatever was going on in there. 

He was wrong.

“What. The actual fuck. Happened.” Philza said slowly. All three of them turned around.

“Tubbos writing a terrible fanfic of this terrible terrible movie.” Wilbur groaned. Tubbo perked up. 

“I should do that!”

“He’s  _ what _ ,” Philza asked sharply. “Why.” He asked the green-clad boy. 

“Because I can.” He simply replied. Smiling Tubbos horribly mischievous smile.

The door opened behind Philza again and Techno entered the circus.

“What’d I miss?” He asked. 

“Tubbo made a bunch of dick jokes and terrorized us,” Tommy explained. Techno stared for a moment. Taking in Wilbur’s shaking form, Tommy’s disbelieving face, Phil’s frozen stance, and Tubbo’s grin resembling earily to a madman’s. 

“Cool. You do that.”

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I write for myself (and the gc) and not for validation, but kudos and comments make my day so please consider leaving some! Thank you for reading this far!
> 
> (Also for ref, rei is phil, cam is techno, mel is wil, im tubbo, and zak is tommy, lol)


End file.
